i jhust puked up my retainher.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
