I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
