Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
