Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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