the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
