Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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