You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Your penis caused this!
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