I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
