You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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