shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
