I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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