if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
