So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
