My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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