we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
