I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
