I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You are a genius and a whore.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
