I looked at my own cervix.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Houston, we have a blender
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize