I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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