Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
