I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
