I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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