Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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