its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
