Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
