Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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