We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
