I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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