I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize