If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You can't special order awesome
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
