I wanna bring you to show and tell
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
