Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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