I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
