i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
