DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My life is pants optional.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
