Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
