So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
