I think i peed on brittanys purse
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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