I wanna bring you to show and tell
Plan B is the new Plan A
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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