he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
