I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
