Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
