Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
