OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
