you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
