More tranny stories later!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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