I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
