I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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