If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
