so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
