Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
