I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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