census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
