yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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