my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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