Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
