normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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