I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I fill condoms, not promises.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize