Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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