It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
