i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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