i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My penis needs a shock collar
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
