he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
