I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
