when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
