I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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