I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he was CRYING into my vagina
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
