its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
