butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
