Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
