he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
