Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
