does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I lost the right to judge tonight
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
