Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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