dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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