Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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