Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
