So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
