I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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