I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize