as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
