do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
