so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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