I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize