i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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