loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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