i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
