just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
