Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
