What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm jealous of your bromance
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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