ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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