Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
