Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
