dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
