trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
