Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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