tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize