My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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