god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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