The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
