I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize