my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
