You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
