Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
