Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
