Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
