Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
