we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
