i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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