frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
