I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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